After our son was born, I became consumed with the stresses of life, a new child, my family, work, finances, our home and in the chaos that was/is our life I lost track of myself. I put myself last on the list….ok, sometimes I was not even ON the list!!! I turned to food more than ever, because in the stresses of life I it was my relief. The more life consumed me, the more food I consumed and the more weight I gained. I stopped wanting to go places. I stopped doing things that made me happy. And the further from “myself” I got, the more sad and distant I became. I felt like I was trapped in this shell.
When I weighed myself in December of 2014 I realized I had gained nearly 40lbs in 3 ½ years and weighed more now, than on the day I gave birth to my son. My first thoughts after seeing that number was to immediately turn to food. After consuming an outrageous amount of calories I sat there feeling worse about myself than ever before and I knew I needed to stop. My emotions were controlled by food. I was losing WHO I was and terrified of where I was going. I was afraid to think of the things I would continue to miss with my family because I was either too big to participate or wouldn’t want to participate because I was embarrassed about my weight.
Here I am at 34, missing MY LIFE and my son’s life because of my weight and binge eating.
So in January 2015, I started my journey alone with no real direction or guidance. After five months of dieting and losing weight very slowly and getting so frustrated, a dear friend introduced me to Beachbody and my first challenge group. It was then when I realized how much I needed this group. The support. The structure. The accountability. The positivity. The people. The lifestyle.
It was in the challenge groups where I finally forced myself to eat clean, exercise and make myself a priority. I no longer had to be alone when it came to my health and fitness needs. I was surrounded by positivity, support, encouragement, and accountability on a daily basis. I did not need to turn to food but could turn to a group of amazing individuals who shared similar health goals. And in these groups, my relationship with food turned into something I enjoy and respect and not mindless and emotional eating.
Then in March of 2016 after making some progress, I lost my job unexpectedly. At this point as well, my anxiety was becoming out of control and I felt like I was losing myself. The anxiety started showing itself when I stopped binge eating. But over the last 6 months - year it had gotten worse, and losing my job only amplified all those feelings I had been keeping under control with work and food.
I finally realized that the ONLY person who is able to change my life is me. Yes, it may not be fair and I had no control about losing my job, but I could control me. I could control losing weight and getting my anxiety and health under control.
This is my fit beginning. A chance for me to gain back control of my life and help others who may feel just as lost as I was/am at times!! To start shedding the over 100lbs I want to lose, control my 20 year issue with binge eating, gain a positive body image, cope and control my anxiety, and finally start putting myself first.
I am not where I want to be yet, but with the continued support and motivation I am not only receiving, but putting back out there to others I know we can all have reach our health goals!!
Current Before and After
Progression....can't wait to see the picture in the empty box!!
On the right in black....at my heaviest. I cried when I saw this picture.
In college at my thinnest after I lost 70lbs the first time. And I use to say I was SO fat....
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